I wrote another book, too. Well, I edited one that I wrote a while ago and published it. Details are here.

If you do read it, I’d love to know what you think!

Publisher: Allison and Busby (UK edition)

Date: 2009 (ebook edition 2011), first published 2005

Hero: The Purple Gentian. Former colleague of, and sometime successor to, the more famous Scarlet Pimpernel. Dashing, handsome, mysterious, English nobleman, fond of rescuing aristos during the Revolution. A spy, of course, with a cunning disguise that gives him access to the house of Bonaparte himself (this is set in 1803). Also has a bad history of telling women the truth about himself and then finding his friends dead the next day. Is on a mission to prevent Napoleon from invading England. Likes classical literature and Egyptian antiquities.

Heroine: Amy Belcourt, half-French, half-English noblewoman whose father was killed in the Revolution and who is determined to join the League of the Purple Gentian to get revenge. It is somewhat unclear precisely what she means by this, but restoring the French monarchy has a part in it. She is not very good at thinking things through, but fortunately she always has at least a dozen backup plans, though admittedly they are not usually very good either. Would like to be a spy but is rubbish at it, only gaining moderate success through complete beginner’s luck. Still, she’s a fab heroine in lots of ways and I thoroughly approved of her. She also likes classical literature and is interested in Egyptian antiquities.

Other: A whole host of wonderful secondary characters: Miss Gwen, the chaperone who is a little like a more competent Amelia Peabody; Jane, Amy’s cousin who would actually make a very excellent spy; Edouard, Amy’s feckless brother; Lord Richard Selwick, the Purple Gentian (I promise this is not a spoiler); Lord Richard’s family, who are hilarious and wonderful and especially his mother who is not very reliable with a pistol.

Marriage: On board ship in a very great hurry.

Enjoyment factor: I adored this. I read it in a public place and laughed out loud a lot. There aren’t many books I get to the end of and wish I had written, but this is one. If I were to write a Regency romance, I’d like to write one like this. It is not tedious, nor missish. It is not a pale imitation of Austen or Heyer. It is not, thank goodness, Julia Quinnish. It is very much in the style of Baroness Orczy only, in my opinion, quite a lot better than Orczy’s own Pimpernel sequels. The plot is ludicrous, of course, but fun. The characters are likeable and plausible. The language and setting don’t read like a history text-book but are vivid and lively so that I forgave the occasional anachronism.

I didn’t dislike the contemporary sections (the book is supposedly the research of an American historian whose own love story happens alongside the historical one, though at a much slower pace), but I didn’t think the story needed them. It’s quite strong enough to stand on its own.

Epilogue: No. There is an historical note, followed by blurbs advertising the next books in the series. The reviews I’ve seen for these are a bit disappointing so I’m not sure whether to rush on to them or not.

I think I’m generally very willing to suspend my disbelief about most things in fiction. I don’t notice the kind of continuity issues that really wind some people up and I’m prepared to let almost anything go, especially if the author has constructed an internally consistent, plausible reality.

So I was quite surprised at the weekend to discover a romance that I just couldn’t believe in. I liked the characters, I liked the idea of the book, I liked the voice and the style. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe one crucial thing about the hero and for me that ruined my pleasure in the whole book.

The book was ‘Mistress on Trial/Strictly Legal’ (US/UK titles) by Kate Hardy. The hero is a criminal barrister who is supposed to be very good at his job. I am not a lawyer, but I have a couple of good friends who are and I think they would laugh this guy out of court. The main sticking point for me was when the lawyer said he wouldn’t defend someone who was guilty, because:

1. Barristers don’t get to decide who is guilty; courts do that.
2. Everyone in the UK is entitled to adequate legal representation in court.
3. The legal system doesn’t work if barristers pick and choose who they are willing to defend. Barristers have to work within the system. If you think the system is wrong, become a politician and change it.
4. Even if your client tells you they did do something, it’s not your job as a barrister to decide what that was. It’s your job in court to present the strongest case for the defence so that the jury can decide what, if anything, they can be proved guilty of beyond reasonable doubt. Maybe it was murder, or maybe it was manslaughter. Maybe there were mitigating circumstances that should be taken into account in the sentencing.

So I can’t bring myself to believe that someone who so fundamentally doesn’t get what the job of a barrister is can be one. I also struggled a lot with the idea that the kind of woman you marry can make any difference whatsoever to a legal career these days.

It was interesting to me how strongly I reacted against this, because as I say I’m normally willing to let most things go. What about you? Do you easily suspend your disbelief? What are the things that you just can’t let go?

Publisher: Carina Press

Date: 2010

Hero: Lord Jeremy Battersley, sixth Earl of Henley and His Grace Richard Huxley, fourteenth Duke of Wexford. Or Lords Henley and Wexford. Can I just say how much it irritates me when people use titles inappropriately? Thanks. Right, well Henley and Huxley are childhood friends, who have indistinguishable country seats, enormous fortunes and impeccable manners. And if you haven’t guessed where this story is going yet, then I should perhaps mention that it is tagged ‘menage’ on the Carina website. I didn’t notice this when I downloaded it, but it was blindingly obvious even to me from the first chapter.

Heroine: Mary Sue Cecilia Hastings. A tall, even figure (I have no idea what that means but I suppose it’s better than an odd figure), smooth throat, milk-white skin, grey eyes and long chestnut hair. Give me strength. Neither missish nor imperious. Blah blah blah. Dances, sings, recites Italian, heals the sick, raises the dead. And so on. I have no interest and less sympathy for this woman’s ‘dilemma’. To have to choose between the two most eligible bachelors in London. Oh, the hardship. Let me fetch your smelling salts.

Other: A cheeky, cheery prostitute. Actually, I have a question about this. Does anyone know if all 19th century prostitutes refused to kiss on the mouth, or only the ones who’ve seen Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?

Marriage: Yes. In the most irritating manner possible, we are not told whom.

Enjoyment factor: Look, I’m sure there is a market for this sort of book. And if you think that might be you, it’s free right now with the code DEBUTANTEFREE, so go and try it. It’s only a 22,000 word novella, so it won’t even require much of a time commitment.

But for me, the prose was unbearably laborious, giving me little patience to bear with the Americanisms and anachronisms. Also there was a worrying moment when I thought we were straying into Barbara Cartland territory with seven single-sentence paragraphs in a row. The smut was, well, smuttier than I like to read (in fact, I went back to check if it had been labelled erotic romance, but it wasn’t. I think it should have been). Also, I don’t know whether this is a feature of this particular author or threesomes in general, but there was an awful lot of the logistics of the sex which was very tedious. Especially since I couldn’t ever remember which guy was which.

Epilogue: Yes. I hated this epilogue with a passion. If you had asked me to write the epilogue for this story after only having read the first ten pages of the book, this is the epilogue I would have written. By the end of the book I expected a few more details. Also, I would really like there to have been some recognition that this was a book set in the early nineteenth century when issues of inheritance really, really mattered. I just don’t believe this ending could ever have been as happy as we were supposed to believe.

Publisher: Harlequin Mills and Boon

Date: 2002

Hero: Ethan Hayes, architect. Also a billionaire but for some unexplained reason, he chooses not to spend any of inheritance and only live on his earned income. Has a complicated Past which I think may have been explored in a previous book. Is a tall, dark, idiot Englishman with no heart worth mentioning. Or not.

Heroine: Eve Herakleides, half-Greek heir to a billionaire. Likes hot pink, short skirts, flirting and Ethan Hayes (when she doesn’t hate him for being a tall, dark, idiot Englishman with no heart worth mentioning).

Other: There is a cast of thousands in this book, which made me suspect that it’s part of a series. Still, you can ignore most of them and concentrate on the main characters quite happily.

Marriage: Engagements: fake and real.

Enjoyment factor: This is one of the most awesome category romances I’ve read in a long, long time. Interestingly, I just checked out the reviews on Amazon and there are a lot of 1 and 2 star reviews. Mostly complaining about the heroine: immature, spoiled rotten, unlikeable, a hussy, obnoxious, manipulative, self-centered, and bratty. I disagree. And especially in light of recent discussions about date rape and the Slutwalk, I think those reviews say a lot more about the readers than they do about this book. Which is awesome.

There will be spoilers.

We first see Eve at her birthday party, enjoying herself with a group of friends she’s known for many years. I don’t think it’s a huge surprise that she’s the centre of attention and I don’t think it makes her spoiled or self-centered. She’s young, pretty and enjoys flirting and teasing. That doesn’t make her a hussy.

When her drink is spiked by one of those so-called friends, she is taken home and there is an attempted date rape. This is Not Her Fault. Not because she wore a tight dress, nor because she had a drink, nor because she trusted her friends. One of the awesomest things about this book is the way that our hero gets this absolutely and without question. Every time Eve tries to blame herself, Ethan firmly reminds her that she is not to blame in any way at all.

It’s Ethan who steps in when he hears Eve screaming and though he fails to chase down her attacker, he is totally brilliant with Eve afterwards. Especially since he doesn’t much like the short dresses she wears and the way she flirts with everyone.

‘What happened here, Eve?’ he questioned grimly.
‘What do you think?’ she shot back on a bitter choke. ‘I suppose you think I deserved it!’
‘No,’ he denied that.
‘Liar.’ She sobbed and lifted the sheet up to use it to cover her face.
‘Eve – nobody of sane mind would believe a woman deserves what appears to have happened here,’ he insisted soberly.
‘I’m drunk,’ she admitted.
He could smell the alcohol.
‘It’s all my fault.’
‘No,’ he said again.

That, right there, is why I love this book.

Admittedly, the plot takes on something of a ridiculous and unfathomable twist when Eve’s grandfather appears on the scene. But if you read Mills and Boon for the gritty realism of the plots, you must be accustomed to regular disappointment.

What matters more to me is how the characters respond to each other and I found that completely believable. I loved the way that they spark against each other, tease each other and enjoy each other. I understood Eve’s jealousy – and her regret as soon as she’s sent Ethan away. I felt Ethan’s disappointment at her lack of trust – and cheered once he realised he had to go back and tell her the truth. I was glad when they got their happy ending, and convinced that they would indeed be happy together.

Epilogue: Nope.

1. If The Red Slipper Fits, Shirley Jump
This was a new-to-me author and the book would previously have been in the Romance line (i.e. no sex). It’s a cute Cinderella story set in New York.

2. Walk On The Wild Side, Natalie Anderson
Snowboard champion meets geek girl. Lots of sex, lots of tension, lots of fun.

3. With This Fling, Kelly Hunter
Crazy, crazy Indiana Jones plot but I loved it. Despite it being a pregnancy story. This would have been a Modern Heat (i.e. sex).

4. Juggling Briefcase and Baby, Jessica Hart
The title says it all: it’s a cute kid story and a workplace romance. And yet it works. The hero refuses to become all gooey around the kid (which is not his) and the heroine has not lost all her faculties. No sex in this one.

Publisher: Harlequin Mills and Boon

Date: 2011

Hero: Rafael da Souza. Wolfe by birth, but not by name. That’s the illegitimate part. Also a tycoon. Brazilian and a bit of a tyrant but pretty sweet underneath.

Heroine: Leila da Souza, his wife. Brazilian model. Has suffered from anorexia in the past.

Other: Not so much.

Marriage: They’ve been married for years at the start of the book.

Enjoyment factor: Well, I don’t know. The thing is, this isn’t really a romance. The hero and heroine are married and in love at the start of the book and at the end of the book and I never felt that was seriously in danger of falling apart. They have issues, sure, but not about their romance. Their issues are mostly to do with two things: their careers and Leila’s anorexia. Basically the question is whether she can/will have children (she does). I think the anorexia stuff is handled pretty well, though no doubt it will be triggering for some.

Epilogue: No, though Jacob is getting closer to home.

Publisher: Harlequin M&B

Date: 2011

Hero: Jack Wolfe. Silver-eyed (like a wolf, do you see?), slick, smart gambler (in casinos but mostly on the money markets). Has lots of money. Tortured by his past, like all the Wolfe siblings, but one of the great things about this series is that each Wolfe is affected by their past in slightly different ways according to their place in the family and their character.

Heroine: Cara Taylor, originally from New Orleans but now a croupier in a Monte Carlo casino. Needs money for her family back home. Green eyes, long dark hair, the longest damn legs Jack has ever seen.

Other: Bobby Gold, Cara’s creepy, creepy boss. He sneers a lot. Ugh. He does, however, get what’s coming to him.

Marriage: In Vegas. This is more romantic than anyone who watches Don’t Tell The Bride will be expecting.

Enjoyment factor: I think possibly this is my least favourite of the Bad Blood books (sorry, Lynn!), though that still makes it a pretty good book. I didn’t really get the blackmail plot and I didn’t believe that Cara would just take off with Jack without any of her things. Mostly I think this didn’t work for me because I didn’t believe in Bobby Gold. He was just too much of a comedy villain. However, I did believe in the romance. I liked the tension between Cara and Jack and I believed in their happy ending.

Something I have really enjoyed about this series is the continuity. I’ve lost count of how many of the books have a scene set at Nathaniel and Katie’s wedding, or at least a reference to the events of the wedding, but it’s quite a few. There is a clear sense that this is one family whose lives are separate but intersecting.

Epilogue: Brief post-wedding scene.

Where there used to be Modern, Modern Heat and Romance, there are now Modern, Riva and Cherish.

Modern is still Modern. In the US these are mostly released as Presents* but sometimes as Presents Extra, and they will often have different titles. It’s absolutely essential to read the blurb if you buy a mixture of M&B and Harlequin editions to make sure that you don’t pay for the same book twice.

Modern Heat is now Riva. That is, all the authors whose books were previously published as Modern Heat are now published as Riva. In the US these are most likely to be released as Presents Extra.

Romance has split. Some Romance authors now write for Riva and some for Cherish. In the US, these are still published as Romance.

What this means is, if you like to pick your books according to the amount of sex in them, you’re better off checking the US site, where Romance is still Romance and has no sex scenes, while Presents are Presents and will have sex scenes. If, on the other hand, you don’t mind too much whether there is sex on the page or not, but you like to pick your books according to setting, theme and voice, you’re better off in the UK. Modern is still intense, ridiculous and takes itself pretty seriously; Cherish is cute kids and old-fashioned ‘home and hearth’; while Riva is younger characters with a more contemporary setting and voice.

It’s not an exact science. Kate Hewitt writes for Modern/Presents but her latest book ‘Mr and Mischief’ could easily have been a Riva. Sarah Morgan also writes Presents but with a wonderful wit and humour to them. Some of the Rivas are just a bit too sickly sweet for my taste and I would have put them in Cherish.

In general, I buy books by author and the continually shifting lines make these even more important. But every month I like to try new names too and understanding the lines helps with this. Mostly, the lines are there to make sure readers get what they are expecting. But you do have to understand the distinctions in order to make this work for you.

*In my mind this is always Pre-sents, like ‘gifts’; but I think it is supposed to be Pre-sents.